How can I get a normal life?

What’s normal?

It’s a setting on your dishwasher! A washing machine and clothes dryer use the word “regular” instead of normal. In the cleaning world, an item needs the normal/regular cycle or it falls into a different category and requires other options.

During the early days of COVID, people longed for things to return to NorMaL. What did they mean? They wanted life to return to how it was before COVID.

Recently I saw a post in which the person listed some issues in her life, followed by, “When will things be back to normal?” The person listed other difficult factors in their life, then stated, “I need things to be like how they were a few years ago.”

I don’t like to use the word nORmAL.

Why? I’m so glad you asked!

First, let’s consider how the word is defined:

• “conforming to the standard or the common type”
• “approximately average in any psychological trait”
• “free from any mental disorder”
• “free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation”

So NOrMAl, as defined by people deciding the definition of the word, means if I’m normal, then I’m standard, average, and completely disease free! I certainly don’t meet that definition. Nor would I want to.

I like this quote by Richard Osman:

“Normal is an illusory concept.” 

Whenever we encounter a life transition, one or more of our life routines is disrupted. While we may not like the upheaval, it is what it is. Sometimes we can create a new regimen similar to what we had previously. Other times, that’s not possible. However, when we don’t try to adjust, we get stuck in unhelpful, and possibly unhealthy patterns.

In my work with clients who have a medical diagnoses, we look at daily habits through three lens:

1. Functional which can remain the same.
2. Partially functional and will work with small tweaks.
3. No longer functioning, so we will determine how to replace it with a better solution.

For example, Lupus is an autoimmune disease that causes inflammation throughout the body. Because it affects various organs and systems in a body, the combination and severity of indicators varies by person. These features come and go in waves. Flare-ups often cause symptoms to be severe enough to impact daily systems. Alternatively, mild or no characteristics may signal a remission.

During times of remission, when symptoms are mild or aren’t currently present, a person is able to do their regular morning routine.

During a flare-up, common symptoms such as pain (joint or muscle), fatigue, swelling (arms or legs), confusion, etc. are likely to impact a person’s ability to carry out their regular morning routine. Tiredness may necessitate extra sleep, potentially shortening the amount of time available in the morning. Pain and swelling could mean that common activities take longer and require some assistance.

Accommodations must be made. This may mean shifting some activities to a different time of day, rearranging items in your space for better accessibility, doing things in a different order, etc.

Whether a person is newly diagnosed with lupus or has had it for years, one thing I know is that they’d prefer to not have it!

At the same time, someone with lupus might have difficulty defining NoRmAl for them. Yes, they’d want to return to life before lupus, but since that’s not possible, a better option is to determine how to best manage the diagnosis.

In the beginning, when everything is “new,” life is frustrating! As time passes, a person gets used to some aspects of their life. Then there might be a curveball and more changes have to be made. It’s not really possible to define what nORmaL is, must less “get back to it.”

Why am I writing about this? Because mindset has a lot to do with your ability to optimize life after a medical diagnosis.

Rather than dwelling on going back to norMAL, try using one of these phrases instead:

• plot twist
• current reality
• new chapter
• altered routines
• temporary reality
• redefined status quo
• period of possibilities
• modified reality

Do any of these phrases appeal to you? Or maybe you have another one that works for you.

Let me know below.

Then start using it!