5 Things to Do Immediately About Holiday Overwhelm

Parties. Decorating. Baking. Buying. Wrapping.

These are just a few of the extra activities that may impact your calendar during the holiday season. Oh, and don’t forget your regular, everyday professional and personal responsibilities.

In 3 Actionable Strategies to Create a Calmer Life I addressed the importance of delineating between required and optional commitments. During the holiday season, this distinction is more crucial than ever! And there’s a complicating factor during the holidays: lots of OTHER PEOPLE.

Not that others aren’t a consideration through-out the year, but during the holidays, there are more people in the mix and they can be demanding. Regardless of your immediate family (single, significant relationship, married, married with children, parents, siblings, in-laws, etc.), there may also be extended family, ex-spouses with whom you share custody of children, and step-children. But wait! During the holidays, people have parties (personal and professional) and attendance may be “strongly suggested” at one or more events. I’m sure you get the picture.

Let’s not forget the activities themselves:

• buying, wrapping, and exchanging gifts
• attending events and possibly hosting your own event
• cooking special food for more people
• holiday cards, including e-cards
• decorating and undecorating
• travel, including trips out-of-town as well as additional travel within your area for the extra activities
• I’m sure there are others that I’m forgetting or am unaware of

How can you navigate the season without being utterly exhausted or causing hurt feelings? Here are five tactics:

#1 KNOW YOURSELF.

Appreciating your values and needs isn’t selfish; they are your best tools for designing a great holiday season.

Values are who you are at your core. They are what you are passionate about, and as such, values are where you invest your time and energy. Examples include but aren’t limited to service, equality, knowledge, and fairness. Values direct our lives and guide our decisions.

If you need community and value service, you may choose to invite friends and family to join you in volunteering at a food kitchen during the holidays.

Unmet needs make it difficult to function in day-to-day life. Needs may go beyond food, clothing, and shelter. For example, if you have chronic fatigue syndrome, you have to be aware of the ebbs and flows of your energy level because this will determine how many extra activities you can add to your schedule.  If you’ve been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, you may need to limit the amount of time at parties, have someone attend with you, or decline certain invitations.

Needs related to a medical diagnosis may change over time. So it’s always important to re-evaluate them on a regular basis.

Knowing yourself helps you negotiate better with others to ensure that at the end of the holidays, you are fulfilled and content instead of overwhelmed and exhausted.

#2 APPLY THE CORRECT LENS. With an SLR camera (yes, an actual camera), you have to change lenses if you are standing in the same spot and want two views of the same subject. A panorama-type photo requires a different lens from a close-up of an object right in front of you.

Similarly, you design your optimal schedule by using two lens. With a “wide-angle lens” you look at the whole season with other people (parents, close friends, spouse, children, siblings, in-laws, etc.) who are impacted by the schedule. The earlier this happens, the more people feel included because they can more easily share their input.

In addition to the overall outlook, you need closer views: what’s happening this week or the next three days or the next 4 hours or whatever interval works for you.

Applying both lenses helps you maintain perspective regarding how your days and hours are spent.

#3 SET REAL BOUNDARIES. Some parameters are already set for the holiday’s. There are only so many hours in a day and days within the holiday season. Your “job” is to set limits for specific activities. This may be a decision-making collaboration with others.

For example, if you’re married and you both work, you may jointly decide to attend one holiday party per workplace. You could agree to go to one neighborhood gathering and one additional party to-be-determined. You could decide to spend up to two hours at any single get-together.

If you’re hosting a party, you could pick certain tasks you will do and others you’ll delegate.

Gift-giving is a prime place to set boundaries. They could be around a money-limit, the number or type of gifts. I’m not suggesting the grandparents will be happy if they can’t buy a grandchild everything under the sun. However, limits are good for everyone!

If you’re lodging with others or have people staying with you, determining the number of days in advance decreases stress for everyone. It’s even okay to stay in a hotel and only join the others for specific activities.

If you have a medical diagnosis, the boundaries will also be subject to your stamina and other criteria depending on the disease.

#4 PAUSE THEN DECIDE. Even the best plans may go awry. When that happens, people often make snap decisions they later regret. As such, the best thing you can do is pause.

You may take a few deep breaths. You may consult with other people impacted by the change. Generating a list of alternative plans might be a good idea. What you do to create the pause isn’t as important as the pause itself. It will allow you to make adjustments with a clear head.

#5 GIVE YOURSELF (and others) GRACE. A glitch or two will occur during the season which frustrates you or those around you. One challenge is that emotions are already heightened during the holidays.

One way to diffuse tension is to be kind to yourself and others. The specific situation will shape how to do this. For instance, if you’re hosting a party, you might schedule a massage for the day after. If a friend is obviously stressed, you could offer to take a task off their plate. Had an argument over something holiday-related? How can you mend the fence?

Being with family, no matter the location, can be incredibly taxing. You could probably list some triggers without even hesitating. The question is: what can you do to avert the triggers as much as possible?

Calm, enjoyable holidays don’t happen by themselves. You have to design them. You can decide how much planning works for you and those celebrating with you. The goal is for everyone to participate in making the decisions which will create a memorable holiday season.

Which strategy will you try during this holiday season – or any time your life feels extra busy?

Type your strategy below, along with any questions or comments.