Strategies to Handle the Holiday Blues During a Life Transition

I am blue…but not in the way you might think.

I’m dressed in royal blue with my Duke Blue Devil jewelry and mask on because it’s my first live men’s basketball game since March 7, 2020. I’m EXCITED!

That being said, I’m also prepared for things to be different than they were last time I was in Cameron Indoor Stadium. In fact, they already are! Yesterday I uploaded my Covid vaccine card to a website so that I can enter the arena. I could wait until I got there to show my vaccine card, but I didn’t want to wait in a line. I’ll have to do this prior to each game. Yes, it’s a bit of a pain, however, not as much of one as not being able to attend live games last season!

Another big change is that masks are required the entire time. My issue is that Cameron is always hot! So I’m pretty sure that cheering with a mask on is going to make me melt.? I will manage this by taking my small personal fan and thinking cool thoughts. After all, my alternative is to not go to games.

I realize you may not care about attending Duke men’s basketball games. However, there are celebratory events in the near future and Holiday Season 2021 won’t look like the 2020 season. For which I, for one, am very grateful!

The problem is that for many people these holidays won’t resemble the one in 2019 either – the last “normal” holiday season.

Why am I bringing up the potential downside right now?

Because unrealistic expectations are equally problematic, and this is touted as a joyful time of year.

It’s easy to assume that if last year you didn’t gather with friends and family due to Covid and this year more people feel comfortable getting together, that you’d celebrate like it’s 2019.

There are reasons why that may not be the case. Some people might not want to travel or have the same size get-together as previously. You could have issues getting everything (food, decorations, gifts, etc.) you want. Not everyone you want to celebrate with may be alive.

If you continue to have expectations of the holidays being “the same as in 2019,” you may experience increased stress, disappointment, and frustration. I’m sure you don’t want that!

Here are some strategies you can take to manage holiday expectations this year, or any other year that you’re undergoing a life transition.

Shift your mindset. Just like I have to adjust my thoughts and actions when attending a basketball game, you have to alter your frame of mind around the holidays. You may want everything to be “normal,” however, who determines what’s normal? Traditions are great, however, other life events can also change your regular practices. So now is a time to modify your expectations of this holiday season.

You may want to ask yourself, “what can I do to create a celebratory holiday season?” This helps you avoid being stuck in “this holiday just won’t be like it should be.” ?

You can also be grateful that it is “more normal” than in 2020, even if it’s not the same as 2019 and prior.

Experiment with something different. You may love your traditions, yet current circumstances may dictate that you can’t celebrate like you have in the past. So maybe it’s time to try something new.

It can be something minor or major. Here are some examples:

• Invite fewer people to your get-togethers. If it’s customary to have Thanksgiving dinner for 30, cap it at 15 people this year.
• Shorten the amount of time together. If you normally have a holiday brunch with a gift exchange, just have one or the other, not both.
• Intentionally postpone a celebration. Last year, when my family couldn’t get together for Thanksgiving or Christmas, we decided to have Christmas in July. Literally, a traditional Christmas dinner and gift exchange.
• Plan a distinct menu. If other aspects of the holidays aren’t the same, having a traditional meal may feel sad, so eat something different. Once my sister was married and had children we couldn’t always celebrate Christmas on December 25th. One year, when we celebrated on December 24th, we ate chili and cornbread. It gave the celebration a special joy!

The key word is to “experiment.” Even if you enjoy the change, it doesn’t have to become a new tradition. Or, maybe you decide you like it so much that you continue the practice in future years.

Scenario: My family has a small Thanksgiving. It includes my Mom and Dad (both in their 80’s), a nephew who is a high-school junior, a nephew who is a sophomore in college, and my younger sister. Sometimes we include a friend or two.

Prior to Thanksgiving, 2020, I’d cook a turkey, green bean casserole, and sweet potato casserole. My Mom would make dressing and cranberry sauce. My sister would make dessert. In the fall of 2020, my parents gave up their cars (with a bit of persuasion!). So Mom can’t run to the store for ingredients or drive to my house earlier in the day to help out. There are some other change factors as well.

This year we’re trying something completely different. I found two recommended local meal preparation companies from whom I’ve ordered food – some of our regular Thanksgiving fare, and some not. Some food will be delivered Wednesday and the other we’ll pick up on Thursday.

We may love all of the food and determine that we’ll never cook Thanksgiving dinner again! We might not like any of it – which I can’t imagine. Or we may like some of the dishes and decide to always buy those for Thanksgiving dinner in the future. On the other hand, we could return to our traditions next November.

The point is, I’ve let everyone know it’s an experiment, so their mindset is that it’s going to be different. And that’s okay! We’ll decide about future Thanksgiving’s next year.

So while I may be dressed in blue, I’m not feeling blue at the new requirements to attend Duke basketball games.

And I hope you will take steps to not feel blue this holiday season as we are working our way out of the pandemic.

What will you do to make this holiday season enjoyable even if it is different?

I’d love to hear your ideas!

Let me know below so I can celebrate with you.