How to Communicate about Organizing During Stressful Times of Transition

During times of life transition, one might expect change. You might even expect to feel stress, as we talk about often here. But few people may stop and think about how those changes and stress may impact our communication.

We’ve talked about how organizing our space and time is impacted by communication. In one post, we explained some ways you can communicate more clearly about organization with a partner, roommate, or office mate. For example:

Working With Others – If someone else’s clutter is the problem, communication is your only tool. Set aside a time to speak to that person about the clutter. Define what is bothering you, but avoid accusatory language or blame. Don’t say, “You always do this.” Instead try, “I feel impeded by the stuff around me.”
Defining “Organized” – Communication also comes into play when working with your roommates or spouse to get organized — or when working with a professional organizer. The first thing you need to determine is what “organized” looks like to you. Organization is a scale. For some, getting organized means getting the floor clear. For others, no less than perfection will do. Finding out ahead of time what everyone wants to see will save arguments and time later.
Minimizing Internal Clutter – Even if you’re the only one getting organized, communication is necessary. That is, communication with yourself. What are your goals? What are you realistically going to accomplish? No, really. Honesty with yourself from the beginning will prevent frustration and backsliding later.

Communication and Stress

Multiple studies have shown the link between stress and our physical health, mental health, and our ability to communicate. On the latter, stressed people tend to become easily frustrated or angry. They may have trouble expressing things or struggle to express them without anger. Stress may also cause people to withdraw, communicating less than usual. They may misunderstand your meaning or what you are trying to express because they are viewing it through a different lens.

In a paper about the topic, researchers offer the following tips for communication during stressful times:

Listen. Most of us with listen only to prepare our next response. Listen slowly, not with the intent of saying something, but just to hear what the person is really saying.
Watch non-verbal cues. A lot of what we say comes from our stance, eyes, facial expression, and more — not just our words.
Listen for feelings. Using the non-verbal cues and the person’s answers, you can gauge their mood.
Communicate understanding. Most of us just want to be seen and heard. When we complain, express anger, or feel blue, we will often feel much better once someone acknowledges our feeling. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.

Communicating and Organizing During Times of Transition

If you’re going through a transition, you might become less organized.

After all, if you’re going through a big change, it makes sense that your time and energy are spent differently. You might spend less time at home as you visit a loved one at a hospital each day, meaning less time to tidy up or to put things in their homes. You might be late more often to events or leave work early, affecting your time management. If you’re unemployed, you’re overloaded with worry and may not even feel like organizing or handling your home-related work even if you have the time.

If possible, recognize your challenges during this time and inform your partner or boss. You might tell your partner, “Hey, I’m struggling a bit more to take care of things here at home with my visits to the hospital. Can you please help me out with X each day?” “Boss, I’m doing X or Y due to the pandemic, which may affect my work day. Can we talk about how I might adjust my schedule so that I still work a full day?”
Ask for help. It’s OK to need help, but we often struggle to ask for it. If you live alone, that might mean reaching out to a friend or relative.
You might not realize your stress and organization challenges at first. Sometimes, we’re just going through each day putting one foot in front of the other. Hopefully, your boss or partner will reach out to you. If they do, try not to go on the defense. (Which is hard!) Remember that people care about you and to listen for their feelings, too.
Give yourself a break. We often cause or own stress by worrying about things that aren’t as critical. If your house is a little messier, ask yourself if it really matters. People sometimes feel they “should” be organized, as if it’s a moral issue. Organization is a tool to help us feel less stress and get through our day. Sometimes, though, it’s OK to let it go.
If you can, take some time one day a week to organize a bit. Sometimes the mess or clutter build-up actually makes you feel more stressed. We can’t control much in life, but by controlling the space around you, you might feel more centered. You can also throw on some music and think of it as a bit of me time when nothing else matters and your only focus is on straightening the living area.
Delegate. Just like it’s OK to ask for help, it’s OK to delegate. That might mean delegating a new chore to your children. Or it could mean ordering groceries online for delivery instead of pickup.