4 Areas to Organize During a Divorce

Divorce is one of the more challenging life transitions, and it’s one many people experience. I’ve watched a few family members and friends in recent years go through this process. Even in cases where my friend was the one who initiated the separation, it’s not easy. Here are some of the things to think about and organize during this time of transition.

1. Stuff – Stuff is, naturally, the first thing that comes to mind during a separation. One or both of you is moving out of the house or apartment you shared. Dividing stuff is its own battle. A family member of mine and his wife were arguing about who got to keep the dishes, for example. Some people are so eager to leave they throw up their hands and say, “Keep it all.” (Though we’re told that’s not a great idea.)  A few tips as you figure out the stuff part of separating.

• You’ll likely downsize to a smaller home. Read Janice’s thoughts on that.
• A lot of stuff comes with emotional baggage. Do you want to bring that with you or leave it behind? One perfect example is the wedding dress. Read more about that.
• However, you may someday wish you had at least one memento from the good times, so if you’re feeling uncertain about something, consider boxing it up and storing it in a closet for a while. We don’t tend to recommend hanging onto things without a good reason, but a divorce is a tumultuous time and not the right moment to make challenging decisions.
• Consider taking some practical items in addition to your personal clothes and toiletries, such as something for the kitchen. Of course, if you’re arguing over dishes, you might just want to head to a second-hand store for a few to get started. You can also ask for any hand-me-downs from family members or friends, who are no doubt eager to help in some small way.

2. Time – Your time will differ drastically after a separation. First, there’s the legal hassles to get through and all that paperwork. All that will take some extra time. Moving takes time, as does setting up your new place. But there are now other things to consider.

• If you are co-parenting with your ex, you’ll need to settle on a schedule and process for handing off kids.
• If kids stay with your ex some days, your time will suddenly feel more open. What activities or hobbies will you consider as you make a fresh start?
• Single parenting comes with many challenges, and time will certainly top that list! Whom can you turn to in case of a last-minute emergency at work? Plan for those moments now.
• You may adjust your work schedule based on co-parenting or no longer needing to pick up kids certain days.

3. Files – You might not think about the home office file drawer as you’re packing up to leave, but go take a look. Documents are part of your divorce process, and you may need some records. Plus of course, you’ll want your passport, birth certificate, or any other vital records you’re keeping. Janice wrote a guest post for a Raleigh divorce workshop about this.

4. Your Electronic Life – Now this one will take some time. These days, you probably have fewer paper files and more things saved online. You access your joint bank account online, for example. You and your ex may share other things in the cloud, such as photos. Make sure you have backups and screenshots of everything you might need. Over time, you’ll separate your finances and electronic life from your partner, but you may want to look through these things as you separate to make sure the critical items are accounted for.

This is just a brief overview, as you can guess. What did you find surprising about organizing various parts of life during a separation or divorce?