5 Principles for When Someone Else’s Life Transition Impacts Your Stuff

Life Transitions. Everyone experiences them, both first-hand and “second-hand”.

What do I mean by “second-hand”? It’s when someone you know is going through a life transition and they want you to take some of their stuff.

I can speak from personal experience! Starting in 2006 and continuing through today, my parents have been downsizing. This picture gives an overview:

I first felt the impact when my Dad came to visit. He put a box on my kitchen island and said, “Your mom told me to bring this to you.”

Hum…she didn’t check with me first. Now I had a box of stuff that I didn’t want. Houston, we have a problem!

I quickly realized Principle #1: Create a simple method for conveying what’s available and where it’s going. After this first unannounced box of stuff (and a subsequent conversation), my mom sent emails to my sister and me with the subject line “T&T” for “Trash & Treasure”.  She would list what my parents had decided to edit (donate, consign, recycle, etc.), then my sister and I would choose what we wanted. Anything unclaimed was deleted by my parents.

Any method hinges on Principle #2: Decision-making is the key. It was difficult enough for my parents to decide which items were leaving. After all, they’d had some of these possessions for years. There were certain pieces that had been passed down through multiple generations.

The issue: giving me a box without my permission meant that first I had to decide whether or not I wanted the stuff. Then I had to figure out how to delete any items that I hadn’t wanted to begin with!

In this case, my parents had two decisions to make: what they would delete and where the belongings would go if their daughters didn’t want them. My job was to decide which items I wanted and where I would place them.

On both sides of the equation is Principle #3: Boundaries are critical. My parents, my sister, and I all had built-in parameters: our homes. We didn’t want to pay for storage.

My parents only needed what would fit in their new house. My sister and I had fully equipped homes. Anything we took from our parents would replace something we already had. This meant we would need to delete a current possession. This could be an easy decision if we had a cheap table that would be replaced by a sturdier one. It might not be as easy if we liked what we already had.

Is it time for you to set real boundaries?

Principle #4: Gentle reminders are important. Each time my parents have downsized, they’ve tried to give me some of their stuff. Since my house hasn’t gotten any larger and I still don’t want to pay for storage, I’ve had to turn down more than I’ve taken. As such, I’ve had to gently remind my parents that it’s okay for them to delete items that my sister and I don’t want. While that may sound easy, these items have a history, a use, or both.

This leads to Principle #5: It’s not really about the stuff. When possessions have a history, people feel that if the object leaves, the memory goes with it.  So it’s key for the giver to plan how to retain the memory without keeping all of the items.

At the same time, it’s important for the recipient to remember that taking the stuff now doesn’t mean that you have to keep it forever. When your needs change, it’s okay to delete those items.

Now that you have some tools for when someone else wants to give you their stuff due to a life transition, how will you handle it when you have a life transition and need to delete some stuff?

Regardless of the life transition that creating stuff-overwhelm, the Life Transitions Organizing professionals can work with you to reach your decluttering goals. Reach out to Life Transitions Organizing TODAY to start reducing your stuff-overwhelm!