How Did My Schedule Get so Crowded? When Life Transitions Influence Your Calendar

They can creep in, step by slow step. Or they may hit you all at once, like a freight train.

Regardless of how they arrive, they always create chaos in your calendar!

I’m talking about life transitions-yours or others.

Do any of these scenarios ring a bell?

1. “I thought changing to a job 30-minutes closer to home would give me more time (with family, for exercising, etc.).” The 60-minutes you save on the commute was replaced with 120 additional minutes at your job as you learn the new procedures and expectations. Plus, you are more mentally tired since you have to pay such close attention to details
2. “I assumed things would be so much easier when my last child went to school.” However, this “last child” isn’t adjusting to the new morning and evening routines, so you’re expending more energy which leaves you too tired to get some of your other tasks done. Plus, you might be more involved in school activities now.
3. “Wow! Who knew that breaking an ankle would reek such havoc on my schedule.” It’s your right ankle, so other people have to drive you places. Plus, you move slower with everything from taking a shower to walking from one place to another.
4. “I thought moving in together would mean I’d spend less time on housework because we’d share the responsibilities.” It could in the long run, however, in the beginning you’re trying to establish new habits-which always consumes extra time.
5. “Goodness, I knew when my parents moved closer that I would see them more often. But since they live in a retirement community, I didn’t think I’d need to be quite as involved in their lives.” However, you may not have considered that their needs would increase as they age and it’s costly to pay others for support you can easily provide.

In addition to the main characteristics of life transitions, it’s critical to account for two important factors. Don’t feel bad, I sometimes overlook them as well.

Try answering these questions as soon as you realize a life transition is happening.

Which habits need to be modified? We carry out many routines each day-some we complete automatically and others for which we have may have a checklist as a reminder.

Think about your morning pattern once you get up: do you shower & dress > eat breakfast > brush your teeth? Or perhaps you exercise > eat breakfast > shower & brush your teeth > dress. You may have different habits on different mornings, such as one ritual for weekdays vs. weekends. Or a Monday/Wednesday/Friday pattern and an alternate one for the other days of the week.

Other regular habits you have may include the order of activities when you enter the office, the timing of what happens when children get home from school, or the sequence of actions in the evening around dinner and getting ready for bed. And these are just a few examples.

If we consider example number three above: a broken right ankle, here are just a few habits that may need tweaking:

• Your morning routine will take more time than usual. Navigating around the house takes longer, especially if you have stairs. You may have to cover your ankle with plastic when you shower. If you’re unable to drive, you have to account for the driving pace of your “chauffeur”.
• If you need physical therapy, then you’ll have to pull that time from other activities on your schedule.
• You’re overall energy may be less, especially in the beginning, so you may need to curtail the number of events you do each day.

When you neglect to account for the habit changes necessary during a life transition, you’ll usually find yourself behind schedule, which frustrates both you and others.

How has the life transition shifted your roles and responsibilities? We all have roles: student, parent, sibling, boss, spouse, employee, child, etc. Within our roles, we have responsibilities-often multiple ones. And these roles and responsibilities morph over time.

For instance, in the role of a child, a youngster is a student and possibly a sibling. The child enters school and becomes a student. At that age, being a student is the responsibility of children. As the years progress, this adolescent may also get a job. In which case, the youth has added “employee” to their roles and they have additional obligations.

The person graduates from their highest level of schooling and takes on the duties of an adult. At some point, this person may become a spouse and possibly a parent. Simultaneously, that same person is still a child, just an adult child. Further down the road, that adult child may have the role of caregiver for his or her parents, which include a variety of possible responsibilities.

Take scenario number five from above: when aging parents move closer, there are a number of possibilities at play. For instance, if there are two siblings, they may share duties as caregivers or one may assume the role and responsibilities as caregiver while the other remains solely in the role of adult child.

These are just a few of the many potential duties as a caregiver:

• Driving to and attending doctor appointments
• Balancing checkbook and paying bills
• Advocating on behalf of the senior adults

These responsibilities, while time consuming, can be accommodated in your calendar. However, aging parents often have emergencies, which affect your timetable last minute. And they certainly aren’t the only ones:-) More information about handling the impact of other people’s life transitions on your schedule…

Bottom-line: life transitions add extra time and tasks to your schedule, regardless of whether or not they are expected.

If it is foreseen, it is possible to make adjustments to your schedule in advance. For instance, when I had a knee replacement, I knew a couple of months in advance. So I was able to get medical supplies I would need, pre-arrange for transportation to physical therapy, adjust my client schedule, etc.

However, if a life transition isn’t anticipated, you have to adjust your schedule on the fly. It is entirely possible, it simply takes a little more effort.

Schedule-overwhelm can happen whether or not you’re experiencing a life transition. Life Transitions Organizing works virtually and on-site to support clients as they navigate life transitions. Reach out NOW (919-467-7058) to decrease your overwhelm.