5 Tips for a Temporary Reality

A home renovation is a fun project — until you hear you must move in with your in-laws. Just kidding. Well, sort of. That’s just what I did in late December.

In some cultures, it’s common for children and their spouses to move in with one set of parents. However, for me, the idea was a bit daunting. I’ve lived on my own since I was 18. Sure, I’ve had roommates and then lived with my boyfriend-to-be-husband. But his parents? Would it be weird?

I couldn’t argue with it, though. Doing so will save us thousands of dollars. After all, we’re still paying our mortgage even though we moved out. We can’t afford rent on top of it.

Since the pandemic, we’re all living with an altered reality. Hopefully, we’ll move to the post-pandemic life later this year. But, as explained in Here’s the Truth about “Getting Back to Normal”, it’s not a “new normal” because there is no normal.

Meanwhile, life goes on, with other new reality situations for us to manage. You might have a new job or have left your job to care for family members. Life is still happening. So here I am, living with my in-laws. In my case, the situation is temporary. But I’ll have another “new normal” when I return to my renovated home. Here are some lessons and thoughts that might help you, whether your current reality is for a little while or forever.

1. Look on the bright side. 

Our daughter was scheduled to be on her holiday school break for two weeks and then schooling at home again for two more weeks due to the pandemic. Having her grandparents around has been a big help; my husband and I continued to work, and our daughter got to spend more time with her grandparents. She also has more rooms in which to play.

I’ve also been pleased to take a break from cooking. Like many people, we’ve cooked a lot more since the pandemic started. I like cooking, but it’s certainly nice to take turns with someone else and have a night off. I usually pre-plan for a week in advance and buy groceries for that week all in one go. Because my in-laws are retired, they have plenty of time to think about meals and go to the store. These things have meant slightly more free time for me to exercise or do other things.

Your takeaway: With every life change or reality shift, there might be things that are actually better. Mine were easy to find, and I feel grateful for that. I realize that’s not true in all situations. As we touched on above, grief is not a straight line, and if your transition involves grieving, there may not be a bright side or one you can easily see. That’s OK. After all, a home renovation is a happy transition, unlike many other life situations.

2. Preparation is critical.  

Life doesn’t always give us time to prepare. If your situation gives you some prep time, consider what will be impacted most by your change. It might be your time or your space. In my case, it’s both. I had to move out of my house almost entirely. We put most stuff in storage and brought our essential items with us. That required a lot of prep and planning. But of course, once here, I had unexpected moments when I realized I wouldn’t need this item or did want that item. I also had surprises about my time, as noted above.

If you’re starting a new job, you’ll likely have to make some time adjustments based on a new schedule. You might speak in advance to your partner or children about how these will impact your morning or evening routines. If you’re caregiving for aging relatives, you’ll need to know about their typical schedules, doctor’s appointments, medications. How can you prepare? You might want to write out a schedule or look up the driving distance to their pharmacy.

Your takeaway: If you can, prepare by thinking about what will change and how that impacts daily life.

3. Give yourself time, if possible, to adjust to new routines. 

I never sleep well the first night in a new place, and the same held here. The first few days, we had some bumpy moments while we’re all trying to give each other space and yet navigate forward. My morning routine has felt stilted as I figure out where dishes are stored so I can get breakfast for my daughter and me. We could have waited to move in a few weeks later, but doing so during the holidays helped us find our flow and get settled before we all had to go back to work and school (such as it is during the pandemic).

Your takeaway: Don’t expect a smooth transition. How and whether you can give yourself extra time to adjust depends on your altered reality. But if possible, add a few days so you can re-learn your typical behaviors.

4. Realize others are adjusting, too.

If others are experiencing the same life transition, they are also adjusting. How they perceive things and their expectations may be completely different. Communication is key. Giving leeway is critical. In my case, my in-laws are adjusting to having us here. It’s not just about me. This is mere months after my husband’s sister and her husband stayed with them for six months. They might be tired of live-in visitors. 🙂 We are trying to keep that in mind and give them space as much as we can.

Your takeaway: Most people you know are going through one transition or another. Keep that in mind and give people grace. And if they are in the same shift, they might experience it differently.

5. Give yourself a break. 

Many memes and social media posts are going around right now talking about how parents are drowning. The challenges of schooling at home, trying to work, pandemic stress and illness, and more are weighing on us all — along with any other new reality life transitions you’re experiencing. Whether you’re a parent or caregiver or not, this time is new and frustrating. And it’s been so long. Don’t expect to give 100% to anything you do right now. Even with help from my in-laws, I can’t give 100% to being a mom, a wife, an employee, or any area of my life. And through this transition of living with my in-laws, I’m learning to give myself some grace, too.

What life transition are you experiencing and what’s helping you adjust?