How to Set Up Routines for Self-Care Before a Big Transition 

Life Transitions throw a whole bunch of change at you. “Overwhelmed” is the word we hear most often, whether it’s a “small” or “big” transition. During these times, you may scramble just to survive each day. Self-care is critical during such times, both for our physical and mental health. But if you don’t have self-care in place before a transition, you might find it impossible to add once your days feel like walking through quicksand. 

Many people hear “self-care” and assume we mean getting a massage or other “treat,” but that’s not the case. Caring for yourself means taking care of all aspects of your health. It’s easy for us to discard our own care when we’re busy helping our aging parents, our children, friends going through tough times. But remember, you can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself.  This is even more critical for parents of special needs children. 

Without that self-care, you’ll feel burned out. You won’t be bringing your best to work or home life, and may eventually struggle with depression and other mental health problems.

You might think about it this way: What is your legacy? We’ve talked about this in the past relating to the stuff you leave behind after you die.  In this case, think about how your coworkers, children, spouse/partner, and friends see you. Are you always busy, always stressed, always late? Skipping out on commitments? Is your partner asking for more alone time with you? Are your children misbehaving, which may be a sign of not enough attention? 

Here are some essential parts of caring for your health to implement as soon as you can: 

• Get a Yearly Physical – So many of our health problems could be prevented or caught early if we visit our primary care doctor each year. This is your time to ask questions about your general health. What do you always wonder about? What’s bothering you? Ask about prescriptions, over-the-counter medications, whatever. Be sure your immunizations are up to date, including your yearly flu shot. 

• Eye Exam –  If you have perfect vision, you probably don’t have “eye exam” on your annual checkup list. However, you should see an eye doctor every few years, especially as you age. He or she will notice changes in your vision, of course, but can also catch any eye health problems. If you’ve never had an eye exam, make an appointment to do so this year so you have a baseline. Then, visit that doctor every two or three years.  

• Create Me Time – Do you have some “me time” in your schedule?  A lot of people don’t. Maybe you did, but then you gave it away to someone. Me time is different for everyone. For some, it’s a monthly massage. For others, it’s time to meditate or take a walk. It might be some spiritual time during church or prayer. It might be listening to podcasts while you drive to work or enjoying your hobby. When was the last time you did those things? If you don’t have them in your daily or weekly routine now, you won’t be able to add them during times of transition. You’ll have to think about when and how you can make time for this, but it may mean shifting some priorities around — and that’s OK. Me Time is part of self-care and therefore worth your valuable time.  

• Don’t Work Like a Dog – This is a “holiday” in August, and a good one to remember right now. In the U.S., we already tend to work more days and take fewer vacation days than those in other industrialized nations. Now, with COVID preventing travel, some managers are reporting people aren’t taking their vacation days. While you may have nowhere to go, you don’t need to overwork yourself. Take a day off.  

• Set Boundaries – Due to COVID-19, work and childcare are a mess right now for many people. We know plenty of people who are working harder than ever at their jobs, answering emails late to make up for the missed time focused on their children that morning. People without kids, too, seem to be working more while at home, leading to burnout in some cases. If you don’t already have some boundaries in place, get started. Boundaries will vary by person and circumstance. Shark Tank star and entrepreneur Barbara Corcoran said when she gets home after work, she plugs her phone into an outlet in the hallway and leaves it there. She doesn’t look at it again until morning. That’s a boundary she created so that she’s fully focused on home when she’s there instead of checking emails. With the physical location now blurred, you may have to find other ways to say “no” to work. Maybe you shut off your work devices after 6 p.m. Maybe your work is in your home office and you close that door at the end of each day. You may need boundaries for your children, too, during the day if you’re working from home. Maybe that’s a specific time each day. A lot depends on your child’s age. Our team can help if you need guidance on ways to do this in your life. 

Too Late?

If you’re going through a transition already and feel overwhelmed, you’re not alone! Your first step is to reach out to someone for help. That might be a partner, a parent, a friend, a neighbor. The people who care about you often want to help, but aren’t sure what to do. While delegating creates its own work, you may feel relieved and overall less stressed even getting one or two little things off your plate. Once you do that, you may be able to find at least an hour a week to take a walk, meditate, sit near a lake, or find some form of self-care. 

Depending on your situation, you can consider any of the following:  

• Find help with childcare, even for two hours one day a week. 
• Schedule alternating weekly playdates with another parent so you each get a couple of hours “off” to get things done at home.   
• Order groceries online so you don’t spend that time at the store (now more common anyway for safety). Same for most other errands, including prescription drugs. 
• If you are caring for aging parents or a child with special needs, reach out to support group. It’s amazing how much some emotional support can go in making life a bit easier. 
• Ignore your yard work for awhile. Hire someone to mow the grass and skip any other landscaping or gardening. 
• Rearrange work hours to accommodate personal challenges.  
• Cleaning help. If you can’t afford to pay someone, you might ask a parent or friend to give you a hand once a week or so. Maybe he/she helps clean or watches your kids while you get it done. 
• If you’re unemployed due to the economic situation, finding a job is work in itself. If you have children, reach out to your network for help with childcare while you interview and search. Carolina Parent has a useful list of organizations that help. 
• If you’re overwhelmed with work, consider hiring a Virtual Assistant. Some only have a one-hour minimum! I bet you have enough tasks to keep someone busy for a few hours. The International Virtual Assistant Association (IVAA) can help you find someone who has the skill-set you need. 

 These suggestions may not fit your life, but we can help. We can coach you with specific ideas on how to get a handle on everything. Contact us to find ways to make self-care part of your life.