Tips for Adjusting to Life With a Child

Having a baby or adopting a child is one of the biggest life transitions you can experience. No matter how excited you are or how much time you’ve spent with kids, it’s difficult to understand what’s it’s really like until you have a baby or child living in your home.

My house used to be clean and organized most of the time. After all, when I put something down, I could find it right where I left it. I had good habits; I put things away as soon as I got home or soon after. My husband and I had a good handle on our stuff-flow®, keeping incoming items to a minimum.

A child made this much harder. First, the sleep deprivation. The first few months, the house was messier, but of course, I didn’t care. After “the dark days” passed and my motivation and alertness returned, we had to learn new ways of living and staying organized. Here are some examples:

Stuff 
As soon as the stores catch wind that you’re with child, you are bombarded with ads for all the baby-related gear you “need.” The first challenge is to hold back the flood of stuff, which I talked about in the middle of my pregnancy.

The second is to keep it organized, which is a massive challenge because babies go through phases quickly. It’s critical to set up some stuff-flow. I recommend putting a bin in your child’s room, maybe in the closet. Every month, go through his/her drawers and remove the clothes that no longer fit. When the bin is full, donate the clothes to a friend, a relative, a thrift store, wherever. If you are keeping them for a future child (yours or someone else’s), get some space bags and store them away. More on that in this post.

Staying Organized
At first, a child is immobile, but soon, they walk and pick up things. Having a new person in the house changes the dynamic of your common spaces. And, you’re now cleaning and organizing his/her room as well. The trick here is to once again maintain your good habits by:

1. Putting things away as soon as you can. I tend to come home with my arms full of things, including my backpack and lunch box, my travel coffee mug, my daughter’s jacket, possibly some dirty clothes of hers from daycare, maybe a piece of art she created there. The first thing we do once at home is put it all away.
2. Picking up as you go. We pull out toys to play with them, but when we’re done, they go back to their “homes.” This is a good lesson for my daughter, who learns to pick up after herself this way. But it also keeps me from going crazy, tripping on toys, or constantly picking up stuff all the time.
3. My husband and I now keep ourselves in line much more strictly, putting our stuff away as soon as possible, or at least putting it on the stairs for our next trip up. Our house is small, so this also helps keep it from feeling cluttered.

Time  
People often cite the cost of having a child in terms of money. Yes, kids are expensive, so that came as no surprise to my wallet. What did surprise me is how much time you devote to kids. Call me naive, I guess! I realized this even more lately watching two friends of mine go through divorces. One has no children and finds herself with a lot of spare time; our friends in their 30s are all busy with work and their partners and/or children. The other has two young children, making it harder for her to meet us out for a meal or a walk.

With less time to just sit or to work on hobbies, my time management skills are being put to the test!

In our society women still oversee most of the household project management. My husband is an excellent teammate in the house, but I tend to do more meal planning and cooking, which takes up a lot of time. (He mows the lawn and usually takes charge of laundry and dishes, so I’m not complaining.)

• I created a weekly menu so that we know what we’re eating each night. Otherwise, we’d be eating junk food or take-out all the time, which is unhealthy and expensive. More on meal planning.
• I work fewer than 40 hours per week. This is a choice I made. I suppose from a feminist point of view, this is a step backward, but it makes a massive difference in my sanity levels. In 8 Steps to Being a Great Working Mom, author Gretchen Gagel talks about shaping your job to fit your family, and that made a lot of sense to me. She’s a workaholic, so she writes about her and her partner making adjustments when kids arrived. Working 35 hours a week means that on Friday afternoons, I have time to go to the grocery store and clean a little, freeing up weekend time for fun activities with my family.
• You could hire a person to clean. If my husband and I both worked at high-powered 40+-hour a week type jobs, I would no doubt do this. You can outsource all sorts of things: concierge services can pick up your dry cleaning, or you can have a professional cook bring you meals for the week. Lawn care is an easy one; you can hire dog walkers during the day, and more.  Remember, life is short. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. Of course, not everyone can afford this option, but it’s worth exploring if you can.
• We limit our number of activities and hobbies. I enjoy quilting, but I’ve decided to only create one quilt a year, in the wintertime. My husband serves on a nonprofit board; we’ve agreed he’ll only do one of those at a time. I host a podcast, but new episodes release every two weeks and sometimes, I skip one. This goes for our daughter, too, now that she’s active. She took swim lessons this spring, but now she’s in tumbling classes once a week. One at a time!
• We keep a shared google calendar. I can see my husband’s stuff in one color; mine is in another. I keep work items on that calendar, too, but separate them so he’s not burdened with my lists of calls and meetings. But this way we always know what’s going on, from daycare closings for holidays to tumble gym to board meetings and dinner with friends.

A Shout Out to Those Adopting Children
An acquaintance of mine recently adopted two children. The challenge was that he and his wife were on the list for a long time; they had no idea when a child or children might show up. Then, suddenly, they did! Kudos to those who adopt; you don’t get nine months to plan your child’s arrival! While you might, in fact, have far longer than that on a waiting list, it must be strange not to have any idea about the time frame. My acquaintance took a short leave from his work and nonprofit board service so the family could settle in and find its routine.

What Didn’t Work
I am trying to offer a list of “don’t do this” type things, but I can’t think of much. For most families, staying organized means getting into a routine with your time and your stuff. While that routine will change slightly as your child(ren) grow, routines help maintain a sense of order in your life.  What worked for me might not for you, but I hope these ideas give you some options for organizing after children! I’d love to hear your ideas, so please share them with us on social media.