Free Yourself from Expectations When Going Through a Life Transition

July is a time we often think about our freedom, celebrating the people who founded our country with the goals of freeing themselves from a monarchy and religious persecution. This July, our lives look quite a bit different than they usually do, and many feel restricted by fear and by the rules we follow to prevent COVID from spreading.

But one positive note about all this change is that it offers the chance to rethink your schedule and commitments. Before, you may have felt stressed by all the rush of activity. You rushed in the morning to get out the door, rushed to get kids to school or fought traffic in your commute. Your evenings were bogged by swim lessons or soccer practice, your board membership, and more. In other words, while we’re all spending more time at home, we’re all a little bit more free in other ways. We’re free to slow down, try a new hobby, take a moment to clean out the closet.

 

During this time, we encourage you to consider another freedom: freeing yourself from inner dialogue. Inner dialogue often weighs more heavily on us than stress or stuff. We tend to think all day, every day, planning, worrying, wondering.

Furthermore, when going through a drastic transition — whether it’s marriage, divorce, a new home, an illness in your family, starting kindergarten, off to college, or anything else — we need to take a moment and shrug off both our inner dialogue and others’ expectations.

Here are a few inner dialogues related to organizing that you might find familiar and what to do about them.

Could Have/Should Have

“I could have done that” or “should have done this.” We often feel guilty about what could or should have happened, whether it’s what we should have said to calm a challenging conversation or how we should have exercised this morning. Many people feel this same guilt about their stuff, space, or time. As in, “I could have organized the closet this weekend” or “I should not have bought that shirt,” or “I should really go through the garage.” It’s OK to not get everything done. It’s OK to not have tackled a project. It’s OK to buy things. Earlier, we alluded to having more freedom during this time, which may allow you to organize something or focus on a new hobby — but that doesn’t mean you must. Everyone experiences transitions and stressful times in different ways.

All or Nothing

We often get into this trap in a variety of ways. People who are dieting will eat one cookie and then figure they blew it, so they might as well eat several more. You might think since you don’t have time to do an entire organizing project, there’s no point in starting. But even though you might be home more now and may even have more time on your hands, that doesn’t mean you are motivated enough to dedicate your entire Saturday to organizing. It’s OK to step into something for 10 or 20 minutes at a time. One woman we know organized her entire home this way, by setting a timer and then spending only that amount of time each day on the project. Starting small is often the best way to reach your goals. You’re not going to reorganize your entire schedule overnight, but you can say “no” to one thing this week.

If you eat the cookie, you try again the next day. If you don’t put away your things in their new home, you move them and try again tomorrow. If you buy something when you’re trying to not accumulate more stuff, no problem. Just try again.

Minimalism

Minimalism sometimes feels like a bad word. But like anything, there are degrees. What’s minimal to you might be a lot of stuff to someone else. When you read about extremely minimal lifestyles, such as people who sell all their stuff and move to a tiny home, you might scoff at the idea and figure there’s no way you could do that. Don’t worry about whether it’s “right” to be minimalist. Don’t worry about whether you’re minimal enough or if you have too much stuff. Even as professional organizers, our job isn’t to judge your stuff. If your stuff is causing you stress or interfering with life, then we’re here to help.

Read more about how your “inside clutter,” as we call it, can cause problems.

Do you have inner dialogue that’s getting in the way of your life? Talk to us  about how to get through your life transitions.