How to Handle Life’s Changes When They Never Stop

Sometimes, you just can’t catch a break. My friend, whom I’ll call Katherine here, is one of those people. She never used to be. She is level-headed, motivated, and fairly organized. But life keeps happening to her.

First, she got a divorce — right after her second child was born. Her ex is struggling with some personal challenges, which has taken them to court more than once in the past few years in an effort to settle custody and other issues. Her job has remained steady but has its own drama here and there. She’s mostly parenting her kids solo, and one or the other is often sick. This year, she got a terrible case of the flu. Then, she needed heart surgery. She came down with the flu again as COVID outbreaks occurred, and so she got tested for it. Luckily, that came back negative. Then, she got the shingles! (She’s in her late 30s, by the way.) Her daughter needs surgery now, which they had to schedule around COVID, of course.

When I heard about the shingles, I was thinking, “I mean, what else for her?!” Do you know someone like that? Or maybe you feel that’s you: it’s constantly a new transition or new mountain to climb. You never get to rest, catch your breath, just live.

Each of us, with our own personalities and specific situations, will navigate transitions differently. But if yours continue, bump after bump, here are some extra thoughts to consider:

1. Ask for specific help.

We talk about this a lot because many people find it so hard to reach out. Maybe you feel guilty because you keep asking, but hey, if you’re going through a lot, you’ll need help. Your friends and family care about you and want to do something. Sometimes, they’re not sure what help you need. If you’re struggling to ask by phone or in-person (or you’re sheltering-in-place), try an email or a text message. You might ask different people for different things based on their skill sets and interests, but if you don’t have time to think about that, just sent out a group text with a few ideas.

Examples of the type of help you need might be:

• Babysitting so you can catch up on some housework/bills/errands or so you can go get a massage.
• Cooking a meal or two that freezes so you have something besides takeout. If the transition is a medical one, you might struggle to cook, so many find this helpful.
• Someone to pick your kids up from daycare/school/something one day so you can stay late at work.
• Someone to go get your prescription or grab a few items from the grocery store.

You’ll probably think of others based on your needs. The idea is to figure out what you can delegate to someone else and just go for it.

2. Focus on the now.

If life is handing you one thing after another, planning is impossible. Forget tackling a new personal project or a volunteer commitment. Don’t worry about the week after next. You’re just getting through each day. Each evening, take a look at the next two days. If you can, lay out your clothes for tomorrow and pack your lunch, if applicable. Prepare in other ways as you can, too. I say “two” days so that you know if you need to stop at the store tomorrow on your way home for an item you need the day after. But again, that depends. Maybe you can order it online, as you can with most things now.

3. Try to adjust your work schedule.

If you’re on medical leave, then of course work will change. But in Katherine’s case, working a full 40 hours just isn’t happening most weeks. If you can afford to cut a few hours or your boss is OK with shifting some time to odd hours, give that a try. In these times of COVID, more of us are working from home, which can make things easier in some ways and harder in others.

4. Organize as you need to live, not to impress anyone else or as a personal goal.

Your disorganized closet and garage can wait. For now, focus on the spaces you use all the time. Maintain them as much as possible to make life easier. Read more about this in: “I Used to Be Organized:” How Life Transitions Impact Your Organization and Productivity.

5. Don’t skip self-care.

Personal or relaxation time is hard to find. I know many parents have struggled with this while schools have been out for COVID and then summer with no camps to attend. If you’re a solo parent or caring for kids and your own parents, you might struggle to take a break. To maintain your mental well being, you need to time out. How you do that is up to you, but here are some ideas:

• Get a massage, pedicure, facial, or some other spa treatment once a month. Book a babysitter for it or squeeze it in one evening before picking up your children, if that works.
• Drive to a park and just sit in the grass under a tree for 10 minutes on your way to or from someplace.
• Meditate at night or in the morning for 10 minutes.
• Watch TV, even if it’s just a 20-minute show.
• Keep a book handy.
• Take a walk during your work break.

6. Set some routines.

Routines are one of the easiest ways to navigate transitions. They give us something familiar, something to fall back on. For example, you might simplify life by creating dinner menus for two weeks. Every Tuesday is taco Tuesday for some families. Thursday might be takeout night. That way you’re not trying to figure out what’s for dinner all the time. Another routine might be wearing the same outfit every Monday so you don’t have to think about it. No one will notice. What routines can simplify life and bring comfort?

Related:

Simplify Your Morning Routine

Maximize Your Evening Routine

7. Get your sleep!

This is related to routines and self-care. Get to bed at the same time every night and try to get up at the same time every morning, even on weekends. Do this consistently, and you’ll actually start sleeping better. Plus, if you’re up early before your kids on Saturday, you can sit there and enjoy your coffee for five peaceful minutes or get something done.

 

Need Help?

You don’t have to go through the bumpy times alone. Give us a call to help you through transitions and changes.